Until you Know

It isn’t love until you know it’s love.

I often think before I knew,
I could’ve walked away-
Could’ve set my eyes on something shiny in the distance
And marched onward.

But I didn’t…
Because I knew you.
I knew your heart was golden and your words were true
And I trusted you so innately, it started to feel like fate.
and see, that was my first mistake-
thinking that something from outside us two, was pulling me into you.

I know that you love me.
Like a sickness you’re born with,
Like an infection in your bone marrow
You are built the way someone who should love me should be built.
And at the time, I couldn’t see the way that felt,
The guilt of loving me with no intention,
With no promises.

Love is not a choice.

Certainly, if it were it wouldn’t matter, we’d choose it nonetheless.
Heartbreak hurts-
But loneliness?

If I had been told that I would love you, before I knew,
I would have rejoiced.

Certainly, you were the type of man I’d be lucky to love,
The kind that doesn’t break easily,
The brave kind of man that celebrates his flaws,
That loves honestly,
That doesn’t hold grudges.

You whisper to me if I’m too loud,
Defend me every time I am right-
Which is always-
And you love me, I know you do—-

But like a sister.
Like a friend.

A love that cannot be broken,
it used to hurt me just to think about.
Sometimes I’d spend hours thinking of what I needed to change
to make your love have a promissory note attached.

Sometimes, I tore at myself,
Hoping you’d love a shrunken Me,
What if other men want me?
What then?
Could you see me the way I saw you?

I don’t think it’s love until you know it’s love.

And the first time is so innocent, so free.
I felt it come to me in waves of bliss.
And I think even if I knew then, before I knew,
I wouldn’t have been able to choose-to run..

I am bound to my fate- a line jotting out from my heart
Towards you

Love is like that-
I learned
Love is like that.


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