Beaten By It

There’s something I realized. You
are weaker than I am
You would love me if you could,
I am better for you than anyone you could find on your own
And I love you so much I hate myself sometimes
And I cry at home alone,
When you talk about the girl you’re dating but don’t even like

I fight for you in my dreams
Ripping the limbs of those who wish to hurt you
Give your pain to me

We always fight
Tossing words at each other that have no meaning
With venom to burn through souls.
Then, we are one, burning in the acid of jealousy and rage,
The emptiness we wish the other would take away

I was watching you undress,
Thinking of all the marks you’ve left on me
Bruises on the best parts of my body,
I hope that no one else will see
But what have I given you?
I want to claw marks onto the remaining smoothness of your skin
Unmarked by meaningless tattoos,
But you forget me.

You speak of my perfection, gently
Borrowed words you scarcely understand
Find their way into the air around us,
And I want to weep.

You break me.
My will bends to you like willow branches in the wind,
Swaying to your whims

I hate that you smile even as I’m begging
Crying for you to stay

So, here I’m on my knees
Looking in the eyes that move the rivers in my body
Holding the hands which damage my skin
When they refuse to hold me

Why are we stuck in a cycle of hatred,
Chasing after each other?
Gelatin legs and empty lungs
I can never catch up to you

She is your future.
I can see her better than you can,
Off in the distance, smiling.
She never wants to hit you
She wants to hold you when you hurt,
To kiss your scars, like I do.

Why can’t I catch you,
Wandering off into the night, towards someone else’s
Happy ending?


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